I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
