need another drink. this is the easiest way
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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