I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
