people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
