I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
