I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
