You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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