I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
