True but thats because hes a fetus.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
