Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
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