everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So many bounce houses so little time
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
