i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
