So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
