i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
