help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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