you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize