I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
