I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i may or may not be watching the land before time
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
