if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
