hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
