First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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