I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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