I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Enjoy the penises
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
