Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
