____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
