somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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