Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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