thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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