hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
