my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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