Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
