I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
