just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
