Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
