I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
