I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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