Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
