I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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