Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize
