So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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