3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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