so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
