What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
two words: eviction party
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
