It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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