is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
