i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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