i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
