wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
