My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
