Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to calm my uterus...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
