too bad you live with your parents still
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
