I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
