one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
