hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
