i love accidental penises.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Randomize