what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
