You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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