I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize