We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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