why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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