Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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