just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
