my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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