Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
don't judge my taste in strippers
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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