he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
