I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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