did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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