Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
