Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
A+ Viking dick
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize