His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
