remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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