I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
