You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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