I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
