ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
